Dizzy

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa", screamed my mother at the top of her lungs, which woke me and my brother from our sweet afternoon nap. We both woke up exactly at the same time and saw mumma somehow trying to hold her mobile in her shivering hands. We both saw her crying like a baby would if someone were to snatch their favourite toy away from them; it was something we had never witnessed before. I instinctively jumped and hugged her, asking what had happened. With a trembling voice, she said, "Preet, Preet....Preet ki death ho gayi" (Preet was not his real name; it's just for this blog).&nbsp;

Now, I would like to tell you something about Preet bhaiya first. Preet bhaiya was my brother's friend when he was a kid, also Preet bhaiya's mother was my mumma's friend. Growing up, I would see my bhaiya going out to play with Preet bhaiya sometimes, because he wasn't that close to my brother. The only interaction I had with him was when I went to his house with my Taiji and Tauji. Preet bhaiya's mother asked him to play with me, and he was such a sweet person to play with. Growing up, nobody ever played with me, so it was something really precious to me. He took me into his room, and he must have been around 12 or 13 years old at the time, while I was 7 or 8. He showed me his guitar and asked me if I wanted to play it, but I knew nothing about a guitar, so I asked him to play, and I would just listen. After playing guitar for a very long time, he asked me if I wished to hold it and see, and I readily agreed. I somehow broke the plectrum, and I was so scared that I would be scolded or beaten, but he just laughed and said, "No worries, it's not a big deal". I started crying, and everybody came and consoled me.&nbsp;

Now, back to the day when mumma told us this news, I was soooooo shocked by how a 24-year-old guy could die so young and what happened to him. Mumma told us it was an accident, where he and his friend were driving at night and didn't see a dug hole in the road. Mumma started to talk with Aunty almost daily for hours.&nbsp;

I was 15 years old at that time, and my brain was so baffled by the idea of how someone could just leave without saying or expressing their feelings for people they love. I wrote a poem at that time expressing my state of mind. It's been 5 years since. I'm still not over the fact that people leave just like that, without telling things they wanted to.

Here is the poem I wrote....

<img src="https://i.ibb.co/hR2hnCJB/Screenshot-2025-09-13-at-11-35-08-PM.png" alt="Screenshot 2025-09-13 at 11.35.08 PM.png" class="max-w-full h-auto my-4 rounded-lg shadow-sm" style="max-width: 100%;"><img src="https://i.ibb.co/tkp7hRh/Whats-App-Image-2025-09-13-at-11-41-02-PM.jpg" alt="WhatsApp Image 2025-09-13 at 11.41.02 PM.jpeg" class="max-w-full h-auto my-4 rounded-lg shadow-sm" style="max-width: 100%;">The transient or fleeting&nbsp;nature of our existence will always be something baffling to me.

<a href="https://www.instagram.com/whisperzz.of.dishita/" style="--tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-pan-x: ; --tw-pan-y: ; --tw-pinch-zoom: ; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-gradient-from-position: ; --tw-gradient-via-position: ; --tw-gradient-to-position: ; --tw-ordinal: ; --tw-slashed-zero: ; --tw-numeric-figure: ; --tw-numeric-spacing: ; --tw-numeric-fraction: ; --tw-ring-inset: ; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgba(59,130,246,.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; --tw-blur: ; --tw-brightness: ; --tw-contrast: ; --tw-grayscale: ; --tw-hue-rotate: ; --tw-invert: ; --tw-saturate: ; --tw-sepia: ; --tw-drop-shadow: ; --tw-backdrop-blur: ; --tw-backdrop-brightness: ; --tw-backdrop-contrast: ; --tw-backdrop-grayscale: ; --tw-backdrop-hue-rotate: ; --tw-backdrop-invert: ; --tw-backdrop-opacity: ; --tw-backdrop-saturate: ; --tw-backdrop-sepia: ; --tw-contain-size: ; --tw-contain-layout: ; --tw-contain-paint: ; --tw-contain-style: ; font-family: opensauceone, Inter, &quot;Segoe UI&quot;, -apple-system, &quot;system-ui&quot;, sans-serif;">https://www.instagram.com/whisperzz.of.dishita/</a>

The Fragility of Goodbyes

So here goes my beautiful yet painful story of truly loving the opposite gender first time. It's around September 24' end or October 24' start that my relationship with my now-ex started to go downhill, and to be honest, I never loved him, but this story is for another blog, and it was really toxic. One day, I noticed a nerd sitting in a row next to mine in my favourite Finance class. I noticed him and liked his posture and the way he used to be too serious in the classes, being a nerd, nerds really stand out to me. But I completely ignored him since I was in a relationship, which I, in my mind, wanted to end, but still being in a relationship means being loyal to me.

Hello, I am Dizzy, and this is my story of truly loving and getting beautiful bruises!!

So my relationship with my ex ended on 6th October because it was getting too much, my brain turned my defence mechanism of let's make him leave me by doing everything he hates, because I wasn't able to leave, and I don't know why.&nbsp;

Now, I got into a situationship with the worst possible guy from Instagram, thankfully lasted for 3 days, but the breakdown lasted weeks. Now now now, I started noticing that nerd again and started noticing how he attended classes regularly, sat in the front row like me, and I knew he was from the 2-year senior batch. So what happened was, I wasn't able to understand a few topics from that class, and I really needed help because I desperately wanted to get an "A" grade. I asked several people I knew from the class if they knew the guy who sits in the same row as mine, but nobody did. I sent him an Instagram request, but he didn't accept it. So on 8th November, I sent him a LinkedIn connection request, he accepted quickly, and then I texted him "Hi", to which he replied "Hi Dishita!! It feels nice connecting with a previous semester's familiar face and even this semester's :)". I was shocked, then we started texting and decided to meet the same day in class and discuss my problems. He was facing the same difficulties and told me his midterms weren't great. I promised to help him with that. We discussed and decided to catch up the next day to discuss more. He told me he would text, but he didn't, didn't even reply to my texts. He said we can meet on 10th November, and so after waiting for hours for him, he showed up, and we decided to study the subject together for the upcoming evaluations daily.

It felt like an achievement. I remember giggling the entire night, telling my two best friends and my brother about it. We started our study sessions; it was always me pushing him to study with me, calling him and texting him to show up. However, I was happy that I was getting time to spend with him. He was living with his father for that semester, so his father would also sit at a table in the library, but would come with us one or two times to drink tea outside the library. We started chatting late at night, and he said he was single, which made me really, really happy. His father talked to me a lot, and he would text me and ask me how I liked the conversation with his dad. He complimented my sweater once, texting "Aaj Dimshita (a nickname he gave me) ka sweater bohot cute lag raha tha". I replied, "Oh just my sweater and not me?" he wrote "Repeat your outfit tomorrow" To which I wrote, " Same colour or I have a different colour with the same pattern too?" He said, "The same one" I repeated it, then after that I wore the different colour and he said "Oh aaj tumne alag colour pehna hai", I said "Yea, this one is better or that one was?", he thought and said "This one", I said "Yea the sweater is cute right, I will gift you this on your convocation", he said "Why convocation? Give to me after the finals", I agreed. And then....

One day, I was just too frustrated that nothing was happening, and he was gonna leave after this semester, so I was just not in my best state of mind. One day, we were texting, and he was insisting that I tell him what happened, but I refused. Then suddenly he asked, "You like someone?" I said "maybe", He said "Do I happen to know him?", I said "I don't know", to which he said "Can someone know themselves?". I was just shocked, like I felt so embarrassed. I didn't talk to him the next day, ignored him, he saw me, and I just blushed and left. He smiled and laughed. I wrote a poem for him, and since he was not active on Instagram, I uploaded it to WhatsApp's status. He wasn't seeing it, so I uploaded it three times and one day I was sitting to drink tea and he was at the same place with his dad and replied to my poem "I would write this for my dog", I felt hurt but ignored. Then, after a few days, we were sitting and talking about relationships and crushes, so he told me he stopped believing in crushes because a girl had a crush on him, but ghosted him out of nowhere. He told me he went to Delhi for no reason. I insisted he tell me the reason, but said "No, I will tell you on the last day" I kept insisting, and he broke down that he was in LDR. I broke like shattered because that was the first time I loved someone, my relationship wasn't the one where I was in love, but this, this was different. I held back my tears and said "okay", just a broken okay that left my mouth with a rope tightened around my throat....those emotions were unbearable, I felt like running, but that's not who I am....he said "But I don't think that it's gonna work", I asked "why?", he said "Oh LDR kaha hi work karte hain yaar", I said "if the love is strong, anything can workout"....He asked, "Dishita tumne mujhe last semester approach kyu nahi kiya, sahi hota yaar vo." I reminded him that I was in a relationship then, he just did a "Tsk" and said, "Let's study"....I wasn't able to concentrate, so I left as soon as his dad came to call him. After that, I started ignoring him, I thought "Dost bankar reh sakti hu", stupid me....One day he asked me to teach him a topic, but he won't come to my table, so I called him twice, and the third time I said "Dude nahi aana toh just bolo", then he came and that day I had done self harm by pinching my entire hand so bad that it was filled with marks, he came and was looking at my face way too many time, whenever I would look at him like I was teaching on the paper but he would always be looking at my face, I ignored as per my best friend's instructions. He out of nowhere said, "You are looking like Alia Bhatt with long hair" I just said, "People used to call my mumma Alia Bhatt", and proceeded. Also, I forgot to mention, but I caught him in many lies and spent nights crying about them.

We decided to study together just a day before finals, and we did study. I was aiming for an A, and he was repeating it, so he was just aiming for a B; his previous one was a C-. But I wanted both of us to get an A. I would teach him forcefully, like taking his mobile and forcing him to focus. We met on the day of the Exam, he promised to meet the next day, but just like his other promises, this one was false too....that was our last meet, no goodbyes, no "keep in touch"....I still remember that scene very vividly of him leaving, and I was just standing there witnessing him go because I knew this was THE LAST TIME I was seeing him.

Results: I got an A- and he got a C....I lost a grade to teach him instead of focusing on my studies, and he gained a grade because of me teaching him(he might not think that, and honestly, I don't care, or....maybe I do)....I got A's in all my Finance subjects except this, and it always reminds me of him....We kept in touch, we talked a few times over calls, I tried getting over by making new crushes, but eventually I lost interest, or maybe I just tried to forget him, or maybe I can't tolerate being taken for granted anymore, even if I considered him a "friend" back then....

But this A- will always make me remember you....

Penzo

Dizzy

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